When I’m around large groups of people, especially for extended periods or over multiple days, a change starts to happen in me.
I become annoyed to the point where I just shut off completely. No talking. No engaging. No having fun. Everything stops.
Every person’s actions get on my nerves. Every word from their mouths becomes more painful to listen to.
It gets to the point where I feel totally done with people. In those moments, I’ve people’d enough. My people meter becomes empty.
I’m not bothered by all people all the time. If I’m in a public place, having a private conversation with one person, that’s fine.
It’s mentally draining to focus on so many different voices with different perspectives and opinions while staying nice and friendly.
To be honest, it seems like there are many people all over the world who feel the same way, so I know I’m not alone.
When my people meter is drained, other folks with a never-ending supply of people juice just can’t figure out why I’m in a mood.
Please allow me to explain the reasons why:
- It’s not always easy to accept the actions of others throughout the day. The accumulation of negative acts and words are more difficult to ignore for some folks, especially me.
- My sense of justice is extremely high. When I see someone disobeying a traffic law, I get infuriated. If someone says or does something offensive toward me, my rage overwhelms me and I want vengeance really bad. It’s not fair. Why should they get away with being shitty?
- All my life, I’ve been told what people require of me. They say I need to say the right things in the right way, I need to communicate in a way that’s socially acceptable, and my ways have to coincide with the ways of everyone else in the group. I have to be the one who abides by their rules. I have to agree, respect, tolerate, endure and comply with everyone else’s orders. There comes a point where I can’t take it anymore. There are feelings of rebellion and dissent deep inside of me and there are times I get the urge to disobey societal norms and personal requirements. I question why I need to constantly obey everyone else. I don’t. I do what I want.
- I have a preconceived idea of how I expect others to behave or interact with me and when that doesn’t happen, it decreases my people meter. Maybe that mentality isn’t right. Maybe I should be more understanding of people and flexible when it comes to different personalities. Or maybe they’ve been forcing their ways down my throat for too long and they can get fucked.
- Sometimes, just sitting around talking is not my idea of fun. Especially when so many people are fighting to be heard. It’s much easier to have a conversation with just one person. It feels more fair and balanced. I don’t like conversations with 10+ people because some asshole is always trying to be the shining star of the group because they selfishly demand all the attention. And it’s really easy for a group of people to single out an individual and start to pick on them, mock them, and put them down to try and elevate their own status and class.
- The lack of physical actions affects what happens to me mentally. I’ve been consuming less caffeine, alcohol, carbs and amount of food in general, so removing that which makes me happy sours my mood greatly.
Everyone is selfish. I’m selfish. We all want the events of life to happen the way we want them to.
I want other people to act and speak in a rational, reasonable way that’s not brainlessly bringing other people down.
